he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
