Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
