thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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