Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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