Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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