I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
