Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
