Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
