I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
