I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
