My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
