I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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