So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
