today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize