just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
