maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
