hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
