NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
