Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
