one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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