i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
