remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He passed out mid-signature
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Randomize
