***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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