I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
