Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
