yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
