we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
