she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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