Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize