Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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