turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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