smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
