you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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