Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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