I wish my penis had an off switch
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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