I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
