Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he told me I talked like a deaf person
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
