When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
