and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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