How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
