All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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