R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
