Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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