haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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