This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
