You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he was CRYING into my vagina
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Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
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Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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