I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
