How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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