I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
