I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
