You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
