I wish I could teleport
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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