I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
