he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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