Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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