He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
