I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
