isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
