she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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