I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
