Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Barsexuality is the new black.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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