are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
