I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
