If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
