This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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