i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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