I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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