mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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