Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
