Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Shame - the story of my life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
