i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
what day is it and did you see me today?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
