The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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