I'm eating all of the evidence.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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