sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
