i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
