I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
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You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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