Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
