woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
