I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
