singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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