she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
