i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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