Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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