The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
