I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
