Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize