Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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