She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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